Bittersweet

Occasionally, when one of my children reaches a milestone, I am reminded of what I missed with my first daughter, Tatiana. Incarceration has no leg to stand on when it comes to the hands of time. Today, my youngest had a chance to visit the school she will be attending in the fall. Along with my wife, as we arrived at the school, we were ushered to the gymnasium where other parents like us were there with their little ones. Without hesitation, my daughter Malisha found her way to the makeshift play area. Her social skills have grown from being in care (she has come really far since her beginning started during the pandemic).

We sat down on the chairs lined up for the parents and proceeded to listen to what’s expected of our children by the time school starts in the fall. “No laced shoes, just Velcro ones, gotta have extra clothes in case of accidents, gotta make sure their lunch bag can easily be accessible by the children.” This went on for a while, and I had to ask myself, “where am I sending my little girl?” In a daze, I thought of what my oldest child’s introduction to school was like. Unlike Malisha, who had the chance to socialize with other children because of daycare, Tatiana’s first four years were spent with her mother’s family. So I wonder if Tatiana’s transition to school was a little awkward or did she adjust with ease. So many unanswered questions as I am snapped back into present reality. You see, this is exactly what I mean. Here I am in the beautiful present, which is, by the way, a gift in every sense, and then I go getting caught up in the mist of the past. The bitterness and sweetness of it all. I don’t think I am the only one who goes through this. Being present despite our past can be very challenging for most.

As I sit here, enveloped in the present moment of witnessing my youngest daughter's excitement for the future, I'm reminded of the importance of being present. While the past holds memories and lessons, it's in the present where life truly unfolds. Let us cherish the gift of now, embracing each moment with gratitude, for it's here that we find the richness of life, unclouded by the fog of the past.